Missing Her

Shelbyville Creek
I've been very sad today. I miss my grandmother. I could go and see her today, but I'd still leave her missing her just as much as ever. She has Alzheimer's and has no idea who I am.

I was washing dishes as I was cooking supper tonight and it made me think of her and how she wouldn't even leave one single dish in her sink. If you were using a plate or a bowl she'd wash it almost before you were even finished using it. And goodness knows you couldn't go hungry at her house. She made sure you ate whether you were hungry or not. :)

I miss her. I miss her laughter . I miss her famous oatmeal, toast, and bacon breakfasts she'd fix for me every morning before I'd go to work. I miss her knowing that it was me, her only granddaughter for 17 years, telling her how much I loved her. She doesn't know me now. She still tells me she loves me but she doesn't know that it's me. I know this because I ask her if she knows who I am. She always says, "Well, no, not really." I say, "I'm your granddaughter, Rachel," and to that she says--and she says it every time--"Oh, I THOUGHT those were your eyes." :) So I guess there's something in there somewhere that gives her a glimpse of me. I hope.

I don't know why it's hitting me today, but it is, and every cell in my body aches for her. I hate this stupid *#+@ disease. I want my Granny back! I'm still unclear on how heaven works, but I hope that if she makes it there before me that she's waiting on me at the gates because I'll be looking for her. She'll recognize me then, I'm sure of it.