I'm grouchy tonight. I always seem to think things are going great when really there's always something there to bring me down. And the problem isn't as dramatic as this probably makes it sound, but UGH, I think I'm going down the right path and there's always a red light that pops up out of nowhere. I'll get things taken care of, but not soon enough. :o(I really need to get some sort of job with a regular income. This "starving artist" crap just isn't what I'm cut out for. Sometimes, it's rare, but sometimes I want to get rid of my camera, get rid of this computer, and never think about any of it again. Tonight is one of those nights. And I'm not asking for sympathy; I don't want any. At all. I'm just venting. :)
(edit: Here are some other things I've been wondering about)
I have been having a lot of crazy things going on with my chest and stomach. I'm talking about pain and flutterings and all kinds of crazy stuff. I have GOT to get to the doctor about it but for some reason I keep putting it off. I think that it's because my uncle went to the doctor, found out he had cancer, and that was it; he was dead in seven weeks. On the other hand, had he gone years ago when everyone begged him too he might still be alive (and he said something of that sort before he passed away). Whew, I miss him so much. Mind you, I'm not saying I have cancer (God forbid). I don't think that for a second, but there are things going on that I need to get checked.
I have mitral valve prolapse, which I apparently inherited from my paternal grandmother. Both she and her mother, my great-grandmother, died of heart disease. And if that isn't fun enough, the walls of my heart are slowly thickening. :(
The MVP is basically a heart murmur, but mine was enough of one that I need to be on medication, and um, I haven't taken the medication in forever. Why am I sharing this with you? Maybe I'm hoping someone will shame me to the point that I get on track and take better care of myself.
I also have one heck of a hiatal hernia. I was supposed to have surgery for it several years back, but had a complete hysterectomy instead. (Hee hee, I bet you're SO happy to be reading this blog). :D Anyway, I'm sure that the hernia is causing a lot of the problem so I need to have it checked, too.
What is WRONG with me that I don't eat right or exercise like I should or take my heart medicine, for Pete's sake? I just don't know. I'm 5'4, and while I've been losing weight, I'm sure that I'm still about 100 lbs. overweight. There. I said it. I need to lose about 100 lbs. :( Pray for me that I can do this.
More than anything in this whole world I want to always be here for my children. I don't want to die young and yet, I don't take care of myself. I've got to change that. The first step is to make an appointment with a heart specialist and make sure I'm good there. :)
I already feel better. :) Thanks for listening, dear blogger buddies.
4 comments:
Uh huh - and do you know how many people say "I wish I didn't have a regular job so I could the things I enjoy." I would much rather be gardening, writing, or needlework - but I tell you, that regular job sure gets in the way of life!
I'm just kidding. I don't want a regular job. :D I was mad at myself for not paying attention to something I should've been paying attention to, and it has created a huge mess. I've GOT to do better with every aspect of my life.
And I smooched my camera and said I was sorry for saying that I wanted to get rid of it. ;)
Oh, Rachel. You are so not alone. I'm kind of going through the same thing of wanting(actually needing)to lose weight, but I can't seem to give up the junk food addiction. If it makes you feel better, I'm 5'4" also and weigh about 210lbs. So I could lose about 100lbs also. If you want a pick me up, check out my space and take a look at the write up I done on ya and tell me what ya think. I had an awful time with the corner module and getting your picture and the links just right.
First make that appointment with the doctor...then an exercise and diet program girl!!!
We are allowed the down days, the crap days...the days we hate.
And then the sun shines and all is well.
My job? Sux. Each day less and less work for me to do. Less and less income each year.
Retire?
Train mules and photograph?
Be well my friend.
Post a Comment